the Chicken Advisory System

In the style of our crack government administration, I offer you The Chicken Advisory System. Why? Because I’ve visited a bunch of places where chickens wander around wild, exhibiting all of the habits people find charming about pigeons–oh, plus noise–and I wanted to give you a heads-up about them so you’d know what to expect. Now, don’t let a Red rating deter you from visiting. Just treat it like a feathery terrorism threat: keep your eyes open and your aquasocks on.

	Severe: The cock-a-doodle-doodliest. Bring earplugs.
	High: Intermittent noise + little presents in the sand.
	Elevated: A wandering noisy chicken with a chip on its shoulder.
	Guarded: They’re there, but they’re generally blowing you off.
	Low: Eerily quiet. Order the steak tonight.

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South Pacific:

Moorea’s Club Bali Hai
Raiatea’s Sunset Beach Hotel
Bora Bora’s Novotel Beach Resort

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Hawaii:

I’m happy to report low incidence of noisy poultry at both of the hotels where I stayed on Kauai and Maui—a first!

Kauai Sands Hotel
Maui’s Aina Nalu